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Tuesday, 09 October 2012 14:18

Need Space?

Where is the safe space in your relationship? Do you have rituals that you and and your spouse engage in TOGETHER that shifts your mental and emotional atmosphere in such a way that you to feel secure in the midst of chaos. Is there some place in your relationship where you can slowly close your eyes and relax because you know in this space there's stillness? When you dance with your spouse? When you hold your spouse's hand? When you gaze into their eyes? When you kiss? When you're in each other's arms? Where is the safe space in your relationship? We ask this question because there will be times in your relationship when you get tired. There will be times when even the idea of another word spoken is exhausting. There will be times when you're wore the hell out. There will be times when you just flat out don't feel like fighting anymore and you'll need a safe space to be able to express that. One way to assess the emotional maturity of your relationship is to ask yourself do you feel comfortable telling your spouse "I don't feel like fighting anymore"? Do you feel comfortable telling your…
Monday, 08 October 2012 14:53

Are You Ready To Date?

As a divorce coach, I often watch my clients jump from the hot bed of separation and divorce right into another disastrous relationship. When we lose our lovers through a divorce, it is often the case that we run right into dating as a way to build our self-confidence and fill the void within our hearts. But are we ready? Really ready? Or are we setting ourselves up for another heartache? Going through a divorce can be so lonely and isolating -- let's face it, it is hard to be in a bed alone when perhaps we have shared that space with someone else for years, even decades. I heard a very wise person say to me, "the way to get over someone is to get under someone new!" The line made me laugh and think... all too often we get into bed with someone new and bring so much baggage from our past that it is uncomfortable and impossible to really connect and create a lasting relationship. I think before dating we have to examine a few things about ourselves first: 1. What is it we want from dating? Do you want a lasting relationship or a one night…
Friday, 05 October 2012 14:35

Reasons Why He's Pulling Away

Have you ever been dating a man you are really interested in when all of a sudden he stops responding to your calls and cancelling dates? It's a confusing place to be because you're left wondering where things went wrong. When a man starts pulling away it can be for many different reasons. Here are the top five reasons why your guy is shutting you out. 1. He just isn't that into you. The first few dates with someone are similar to an interview. You're testing the waters to see if there is enough interest and attraction to proceed to another date. A guy might realize on the third or fourth date that there isn't potential for a long-term relationship with you, and rather than tell you to your face, he simply stops returning your calls. In a guy's mind this isn't an egregious jerk move-to him, it would be worse to sit you down and tell you why he isn't feeling it. Plus, since you just started dating, he doesn't feel that he owes you an explanation. It's all part of the dating process. 2. He met someone else. When a guy is just dating around, he might be…
Thursday, 04 October 2012 14:29

Ways To Save Your Marriage

The thought of your marriage failing can be so overwhelming and scary that you're too afraid to take action. Considering we are an imperfect people , it is only logical to think that our marriages will become strained at one time or another. However, in knowing this we ought to also be aware that these are the moments in marriage that can matter most. These moments are the opportunities for the bond in your marriage to grow , or mark the moments your marriage began to fail. 1. Focus on Attraction- Reflect on the positive things your marriage was first built on, such as remembering why what brought you two together. Focus on the character traits that attracted you to your partner. For instance , sense of humor, uniqueness, common interest, physical appearance, or even any of the smallest things you can think of. Make an effort to rekindle that romance and reconnect with your partner. It's easy to get distracted with the everyday stress of life and displace these feelings. 2. Touch Just To Touch- Make it an obvious point to touch your partner, just for the sake of touching. Emotional resilience frequently keep us from getting near to…
Wednesday, 03 October 2012 15:22

Is He The One?

Still searching for dating success? If you're in a new relationship and you're not sure where it's headed, perhaps you should try putting the man in your life through some quality assurance tests to see whether he's the one for you. Find out if your relationship has a chance of becoming a successful relationship by seeing how many of these tests it passes. Maturity Check Is your man mature enough to be in a long term successful relationship? Indicators of maturity include generosity, affection and the way he communicates with you when you have issues with him or the relationship. Look out for the way he treats you and other people. If he puts you down or gets upset when you don't meet his every need, or if he disappears from your relationship every time there is a problem, then he's probably not mature enough to stand the test of time. If he gets jealous or aggressive or has outbursts of other negative emotions, you should think very hard about whether he would make a suitable partner. Your choice of partner is going to affect your future happiness. To ensure your dating success, choose wisely and choose a man who…
Tuesday, 02 October 2012 13:33

Don't Carry Baggage

The other day my man started acting strange. Everywhere he went, he took his cellphone with him. This is strange for him, as he's not attached at the hip with his phone. In fact, he still has a flip phone for crying out loud! From the moment he got out of bed the phone didn't leave his side and something about his whole aura was strange. I didn't know what to make of it and the more I thought about it, my mind, my senses were inclined to lean towards the theory that something was up. Not just any something, but another woman. However, my common sense (see what I did there) made me stop and think for a minute. Has this man given you any reason other than a new found bond with technology to make you draw this conclusion? I'm not saying my man is a saint, but he's honest, to a fault at times. About an hour after I took notice, he told me without prompting he was anxious about a call from work. Why was I inclined to go to this place where I think it's another woman? Why take it to that paranoid place? Because,…
Monday, 01 October 2012 14:14

Alicia Keys Talks Finding Her Soulmate

In a recent interview with Ebony magazine, Alicia Keys provides a glimpse into her personal transformation and credits her husband, Swizz Beatz and their baby Egypt with helping her to become a "Brand New Me".  Alicia says: "Finding my soul-mate, finding the love of my life has been a freeing experience because of the way we identify [with] each other and understand each other. It's so rare that you feel like you can be your whole self [with someone]. I can be my whole self, he can be his whole self. I don't have to be half of myself, he doesn't have to be half of himself. We can just be ourselves and so that alone [is a different feeling].  He's actually taught me so much... He has that kind of a carefree easy-going spirit that has definitely taught me to be a little bit a little more [easy-going], which is great. http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/2012/09/alicia-keys-shares-how-finding-her-soulmate-has-been-a-freeing-experience/
Friday, 28 September 2012 09:00

Got Intimacy? 9 Tips To Help

The other day I was standing in line at the grocery store, and I glanced at the covers of several magazines. Many of them advertised articles on relationship topics such as "How to keep the fire burning," and "How to Make Your Relationship Affair Proof." Topics such as these have their role in the repertoire of self-help materials which flood the market and feed the fears and insecurities of women, but they also contribute indirectly to something else: the belief that the woman is responsible for preventing her man from going astray. That's foolish. It's also impossible. Men go astray because they choose to go astray. So do women. What both (mature) men and women can agree upon is that the success of any relationship requires commitment and collaboration...and sex...quality sex. To that end, this article provides couples with some helpful ways in which they can achieve greater intimacy through better sexual interaction and activities. ADDRESS YOUR FEARS: When fears are left unattended in a relationship, they grow. They also make us feel vulnerable. It's simply not possible to be truly intimate, without being vulnerable. The fear of getting hurt, rejected, or disappointed looms large. Open and honest conversations about…
If you're single and searching for the man of your dreams, all you need are these eight traits!Men desire a complex woman who can be any number of things to them at the appropriate time. Sometimes men need a shoulder to cry on, and sometimes men need a beautiful woman to make love to. Being all of these things will increase the desire men feel for you, and will help you catch and keep the man of your dreams. Below are just a few of the most desired traits that men look for in the women they want to be with for life: Talk to a Relationship Coach as a member of How to Get the Man of Your Dreams to find out other qualities that will drive men crazy for you! 1. Sex. Not just the actual act of having sex, but everything that comes with it. A lot of women fall in to a comfort zone where they let the freak inside go back inside its closet once a long term relationship is established. (Oral Sex 101: What You Need To Know) Being able to satisfy your man's sexual desires and have him reciprocate is vital to maintaining…
There are certain mindsets or points of view that can be counter-productive to good communication. These errors in thinking, and if taken to the extreme, can inhibit both personal growth and growth in relationships. Here is the list: 1. All or nothing thinking: You see things in extremes, everything is black or white. This can be obvious or subtle for example saying 'He is always late, but I never get angry over it'. This mindset can be that of the perfectionist also. 2. Minimizing or catastrophizing: You exaggerate the importance of small things. 'The entire meal was ruined because the desert was not served promptly.' Is this a catastrophe? An example of minimizing is taking a significant issue or event and reducing its importance so it appears inconsequential. People often do this so as not to have to deal with uncomfortable emotions or consequences. 3. Overgeneralization: You take a single event and draw general conclusions that it is universally true. If your date is late you say 'All men/women are always late'. 4. Minimizing or qualifying the positive: If someone says you did a good job, you respond by saying 'I could have done better'. 5. Jumping to conclusions: This…
Monday, 24 September 2012 17:32

The Benefits of Waiting for Sex

As a woman who is very open about my history of engaging in sex before marriage, it was a huge change for me to adopt a celibate lifestyle once I gave my heart to Christ. I didn’t grow up going to church and learning about the value of my body and knowing my worth. My examples of womanhood, for the most part, looked much different from what the word of God says. For a long time, I didn’t realize it was even possible to carry on a happy and healthy relationship without sex being a part of it. Waiting was a completely foreign concept to me and honestly, I thought it was a recipe for disaster. Though I am not proud of my misguided years, I do not hide them because I know many women out there are still trapped in wrong thinking. When I was, for so long, where they still are, I could not for the life of me wrap my mind around the idea of not sharing in physical intimacy as an overall part of figuring out if I had chemistry with a person. It was the age old “Try the shoe on before you buy it”…
Monday, 24 September 2012 14:27

Do You Consider A Slap Domestic Violence?

The other day I did my normal web browsing to catch up on the latest celeb gossip. I saw an interview with Ariane from “Love and Hip Hop Atlanta” on Power 105.1’s morning show, ‘The Breakfast Club.‘ I don’t know much about her, but from the little I gathered via the show, she seemed like a cool chick and loyal friend. She constantly told her BFF Mimi Faust–who was in a one-sided relationship with former producer Stevie J (*shivers*)–how beautiful she was and how she deserved more. I credited Ariane as being one of the few with sense—until I saw this interview.The hosts–DJ Envy, Charlamagne tha God and Angela Yee asked about her thoughts on the whole K. Michelle/Memphitz debacle and she went on to explain how she was friends with both parties and couldn’t legitimately form an opinion because she wasn’t there at the time of the incident. Cool, I get that. What blew me completely off guard, though, was when she very matter-of-factly responded, “Absolutely!” after the unfiltered controversy-fiend Charlamagne said, “She might have did something to get beat up.”Wait! What? To justify her statement, she then said, “I’m not saying that women should be hit, but sometimes…
Friday, 21 September 2012 20:19

A Good Sex Life is Not Just About Chemistry

Sometimes sexual problems are the body’s way of communicating a message to us that cannot yet be put into words or understood. In this vein, symptoms — psychological, emotional or sexual — can be seen as unwavering messages from the heart, boldly alerting us to our innermost feelings and thwarting our efforts at self-deception. These signs from our inner selves bear wisdom that is expressed unconsciously through the body and mind. When these signs are decoded and understood, the symptoms — no longer needing a voice in the body — may almost magically disappear. Michael, 32, and Stacey, 29, had been married 5 years and were struggling with a sexual problem. Both of them feared that Michael was no longer attracted to Stacey, since he had not initiated sex in a long time and, during recent attempts, was unable to maintain an erection. Erectile dysfunction medicines were ineffective. Notably, the couple had recently been through some family crises with Michael’s family of origin when some disturbing events came to light. That situation conceivably could have accounted for Michael’s initial lack of interest, as well as feelings of inhibition about any behavior he might have perceived as aggressive, including sex. However,…
Friday, 21 September 2012 14:19

Do You Have Trouble Keeping Your Mouth Shut?

Do You Have Trouble Keeping Your Mouth Shut?   Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. If you answered yes to the title question I am sure you have realized the truth in this quote by Ambrose Bierce. In order to gain control over your tongue you must be determined to see things differently. People who lose their temper tend to view life in a negative and judgmental way. You have the ability to direct your mind away from angry and upset feelings. You need to realize that you can have peace of mind instead of conflict.   This article will cover a variety of mindsets and behaviors that will teach you how to keep your mouth shut when you are angry. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Remember that you have two ears and only one mouth. Use them in this proportion. Its better to be a good listener than to be a good speaker. Listen carefully to what the other person has to say. Take your time before giving them an answer.   Dont be double minded. You cant have peace of mind and conflict at the…