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Thursday, 20 September 2012 14:32

I'm 31 and My Clock Isn't Ticking

I am 31 years old, I don’t want children, I’m on the fence about marriage and I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year without any motive. I want to be with my man, I enjoy being with him but is a relationship without an end point or motive a selfish one?Recently I was eavesdropping on a train conversation during my daily commute. Two young women, who appeared to be a few years younger than I, were discussing why an impending proposal should happen. From what I gathered it didn’t seem that they were certain that one of them was going to get proposed to, but it was obvious that the time for a proposal was upon one of them.“You guys have been together for three years, you’re at marriage age and he’s older, it should be coming soon…” How long before one starts thinking about a marriage proposal? What’s the “marriage age”? More importantly, am I a floosy if none of the above matters to me? I would love a life partner that I know. I do not want to be alone forever but I don’t mind my moments of living single. Sometimes I wonder about my motives,…
Wednesday, 19 September 2012 13:37

How Can I Tell If He's Serious About Me?

How Can I Tell If A Man Doesn’t Want a Commitment?   Listen. Men will say and do anything to get inside your panty crotch. I want you to absorb that: let it marinated for a minute. You got it? Good.   Now that we are clear on that, the question becomes this: How can we tell if he wants to pursue a serious relationship? My answer is, only time will tell! You have to quiet your own desires for while in order to get to know a man.   Put Your Emotions Aside for a While   If you approach the courtship part of your relationship with pure emotions you are going to increase your chances of doing something premature or just plain stupid (like having sex too soon). Stop feeling like you have to rush! The fact that you are unsure in the first place means something inside of you is giving you a warning: listen to your intuition.   Let me tell what kills your ability to see. It’s sex. Sex smashes your discernment and throws it right out the window, and discernment is your only defense against men with ill intent. Sex makes us women fall…
Tuesday, 18 September 2012 13:43

Are Your Standards too High?

Many summers ago I recall spending a lot of time at the YMCA. My boyfriend at the time splurged on a membership and was obsessed with physical fitness so I made it a point to go when I could. It was the coolest place on earth because it had a pool, sauna and towel service. Yes, those things impressed me for some reason; but there was one aspect of the whole YMCA experience that I was uncomfortable with- the ladies change room.Like HelloBeautiful on Facebook to stay on top of the latest dating tips! I’ve never been so devastated in all my life, there were breasts and booty of all different shapes and sizes, some that gravity clearly gave up on. Unshaven openness, there was no shame. See at that point I was used to modest high school change rooms where we actually hid our goods from public eye despite the fact we all had the same jiggly parts.So it took me awhile to get used to being around women who were comfortable with being women. By the end of that summer I also learned not to care about what others thought of my body.The same sort of transition happened…
Monday, 17 September 2012 14:55

Making Second Marriages Work

Divorce rates have long been overstated, and that for more educated couples who are over 25 when they marry, the rate of divorce is probably only about 30 percent.   While data for second marriages is currently very limited, the early indication is that the frequently stated 60 percent divorce rate is also a gross exaggeration and that divorce rates for second marriages may not be any higher than for first marriages.   However, regardless of the statistics, it is also very clear that much anxiety is embedded in the decision to remarry. Most divorced individuals feel they have “failed” at marriage once and are usually terrified at the thought that they might “fail” again. What follows are some suggestions on how to improve the likelihood that the choice of a second partner is more likely to work out than the first choice did.   Understanding Why the First Marriage Ended in Divorce   This is a critical step for each person going through a divorce and is one reason why I strongly recommend divorce counseling even when there is no desire or possibility of staying together. There is much to learn from analyzing why you married each other and…
Thursday, 13 September 2012 14:20

5 Awkward-Free Tips For Meeting New People

I was asked by a friend to write about where to meet new people. The topic instantly took me back to my Twitter rant (@goddess_I) this past weekend on networking. I can’t tell you how many networking events I’ve been to in my young life, but I have yet to leave one not feeling like a cyborg. I burned my elevator speech the very day teachers told me to write it. How unnatural, how awkward, how ineffective is networking at times- the ironic part- people commend me on my networking skills. What skills though?I like to compare networking to dating and approaching new people. There is only so much advice one can give regarding where to find dating prospects so there comes a time when you gotta pull up those big boy/girl pants and get out there. That’s right, unrehearsed and un-scripted fam!The fact is you can meet new people anywhere, yes anywhere. I once bobbed and weaved through supermarket aisles hoping this old highschool crush wouldn’t see me looking grocery store-raggedy, did it work? Not a chance. This boy chased and chased until we decided to go out 2 months later. There is also this one time in bandcamp…
Wednesday, 12 September 2012 00:00

7 Things Men Hide From Women

(BlackDoctor.org) — What is a man really thinking. For just about forever, women have tried to interpret the male species. While, in theory, every man is different, research has found a number of surprising parallels. From his fear of commitment to his fondness for cuddling, certain emotions cause many men to freeze up rather than open up. Here are some of the top secrets your guy may be keeping from you:   1. Saying “I love you” is complicated. Those “three little words” could be the most complex in the English language. While some men prematurely pull the trigger on the “L word” (a recent study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that guys tend to say “I love you” first, often driven by the idea that their partner will be more likely to have sex with them) — other guys just aren’t that good at getting the words out. Instead, they show their love through their actions. How can you know for sure? Those actions may be a truer indicator of his feelings than any passion-fueled colloquy, says Irina Firstein, LCSW, a relationship counselor who has advised couples in New York City for more than 20…
Being the “My Fair Wedding,” “Say Yes to the Dress,” “Bridezillas” junkie that I am, I’m no stranger to women declaring that they want to feel like a princess on their wedding day. But just because I get what they’re saying when they express the mood they want to set for the ceremony — or most importantly their dress — that doesn’t mean I actually get it. It being the desire for grown women to still hold on to the notion of fairy tale celebrations, and much more, fairy tale marriages and relationships that by the sheer descriptive use of the word “tale” (and the Disney studio they were borne out of) suggests such stories are far more rooted in fiction than reality, and likely should have been let go around the same time one stopped believing in Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy.I should interject here and mention that I will try to make this post come off as non-cynical and non-pessimistic as possible. Feel free to let me know if I failed in the comments.The reason the whole princess complex is on my mind today is because of a recent statement miss Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas…
“If you don’t marry me, I’m leaving!”“I’m either going to be your wife to be, or your soon to be ex.”“If we’re not engaged by the end of the year, I’m moving on with my life.”“I’m pregnant!” How many of us have heard one of our close girlfriends or family members say one of the lines above? Or better yet, how many of us have repeated one of the lines above? Ultimatums are often defined as an uncompromising set of terms or demands given by someone, which can lead to the beginning of a new segment in a relationship, or the severing of one. Ultimatums are generally given by women to men, who have been in a monogamous dating relationship for quite a while, women who are cohabitating without the commitment of marriage, or women who are or have been involved in long-term engagements, and the general purpose of them in regard to relationships are to achieve the goal of marriage. However, my question to women who have given ultimatums and to women who may be contemplating the thought of issuing an ultimatum is, why?Why would you give a man who says he loves you and wants to be with…
As summer comes to an end, it doesn’t mean you have to put away those short dresses or shorts just yet. There are pieces in your closet that will help look stylish as you transition you into fall, that look great in both seasons, and will actually save you money. Remember it’s all about layering!Here are 7 pieces to help you transition from summer to fall:Denim Jacket A cropped denim jacket is a perfect choice to wear with a sleeveless maxi dress or floral flirty dress.Slouchy Boots Rough up a girlie dress or denim shorts with a pair of slouchy boots.Scarf A scarf can brighten up an outfit and keep you warm for the early fall chill.Leather Jacket Transform a maxi dress or sundresses with a leather jacketBlazer An asymmetrical jacket toughens up a floaty skirt on the city streets   http://hellobeautiful.com/2534467/summer-to-fall-transitional-clothing/
Saturday, 21 July 2012 00:00

The "L-Word"

According to soul legend Al Green, love is “something that can make you do wrong or make you do right.” Luther Vandross said “there’s nothing better than love.” And Tina Turner asked “what’s love got to do with it?” The bottom line is, this four-letter word has amazing powers and can bring out the best and worst in people. Many may recall the hit comedy/drama It’s a Thin Line Between Love and Hate and the hilarious events that led to the intense show-down between Brandi (played by Lynn Whitfield) and Darnell (played by Martin Lawrence). At the start Darnell is smooth and had a way with the ladies. His swagger was nothing to second guess. He knew just what to say and how to say it. He was the king promise maker and breaker all in one. He became a pro at getting the ladies to do just about anything all without using the L-word. Eventually Brandi grew tired of men using the word love carelessly and attempted to give Darnell a taste of his own medicine for toying with her mind and breaking her heart. The question that remains a mystery is how can one know when someone is…
I’ve done a lot of things I’m reluctant to admit in public. Near the top of the list is the fact that I once dated a married man. To be fair, he was from the Islands and only got married to gain citizenship. I had never heard of anyone doing such a thing (outside of that awful Sandra Bullock movie), but apparently he went to college in the United States and risked deportation after graduation. His girlfriend at the time offered to marry him so he could stay in the country. Three years later, when I met him, he had moved to a different state and she had moved on to another relationship. In fact, she had a two-year-old child with a new beau.They were over, but he was still legally married. I had no idea and, unfortunately, he was one of those men willing to conceal the truth for his own selfish gain.His name was Malcolm* and we worked in the same building downtown. We met while going through a revolving door. I agreed to a lunch date in the food court of our building that day and we ate lunch together every day after that. I was only…
Thursday, 12 July 2012 22:31

Exceptions To The Rule

It’s a four-letter word that most women hear over and over when it comes to dating and their love lives. Sorry, the word is not “love.” The word is “wait.” And it’s often followed by “until the man does something toward or for you.” Wait until the man calls you. Wait until he asks you out. Just wait. Not to mention the rule many of our mothers ingrained in us about being with a man who desires us more than we desire him. As women, we never hear of equally loving the man, rather if he loves us then all would be well. Well, so much for that. And given all the newfound rules of dating and just wading through the waters of relationship matters, there may be some exceptions to the “wait” rule. The exception is not about women chasing men or men chasing women. The exception is being responsible for your own happiness when it comes to your love life and playing an active role – paticularly for women since the notion is the man is the pursuer. It’s about asking questions and releasing certain fears of not being with the first guy that shows interest. Conversely, there’s…
Women are dominating in the digital "battle of the sexes." That's what the numbers say, anyway. An infographic from marketing firm Digital Flash NY shows women actively using the big three social media networks more than their male counterparts: women make up 64 percent of Facebook users, 58 percent of Twitter users and a whopping 82 percent of Pinterest users. Even online gaming, a world once dominated by men, has gone through a gender switch up. For example, take Zynga, the social gaming platform responsible for some of the biggest hit games on Facebook: Digital Flash found that "women over the age of 55 spend more time playing online games than males aged 15 to 24 and males 25 to 34 combined." Men do still lead the way on Google+ and professional networking site LinkedIn. The largest gender gap exists on social news site Reddit, where 84 percent of users are male. But even with this slew of information suggesting that women are making their mark in the digital world, some wonder if women still have less of an influential platform online than men. Natalie Kitroeff at the New York Times fears social media may have a saturated amount of…
Actress Nia Long is proud to be the mother of two boys, and doesn’t know if marriage will ever be a part of her life. The 41-year-old recently spoke to Essence magazine about life with 12-year-old son Massai and 8-month-old Kez, as well as her relationships with their fathers. Nia Long on being the mom of two boys: “Motherhood is not easy, but it’s natural. I worked hard to have the career I wanted, but I’ve also been deliberate about my personal life. None of this is a mistake.” Having a baby after age 40: “I’m in my forties, post baby and I’m thinner than I’ve been in years. The last step will be letting my hair go natural. That’s when you’ll know I’m free…” On co-parenting with Massai’s father, actor Massai Z. Dorsey: “Massai’s dad and I have had the most challenging times, and I wasn’t always sure we wouldn’t end like my mother and father. But we’ve arrived at a place where I can truly say he’s not a baby daddy, he’s my friend, finally. He is an amazing father.” The possibility of marrying Kez’s father, basketball player Ime Udoka: “Marriage is not a priority for me…I have…
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