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Fashion Category
Wednesday, 19 December 2012 15:27

Revamp Your Relationship

Love life a little lackluster? With the pressures of work, family and packed agendas, it happens to the best of us. "The problem is that when you slip into a relationship pattern that actually breaks down your power as a couple instead of building it up, you run the risk of permanently disconnecting from your partner," says Laurie Puhn, JD, couples mediator and author of Fight Less, Love More. "Routines are inevitable, but complacency in your relationship is not." So how do you keep a minor relationship cranny from turning into a full-blown chasm? Read on to learn about five common relationship ruts and how the experts say you can mind the gap for a more lively love life. Rut #1: Same-Old Date Night Can your last few rendezvous be summed up as: Dinner + Movie + Saturday? "Having a designated night out may work for some couples, but I personally loathe the term 'date night,' because eventually anything routine can become stale," says Jessica Denay, author of The Hot Mom's Handbook. "Don't be afraid to change it up; staying in can be fun and romantic, too. Plan a 'Night in Italy,' and make homemade pizza or pasta together after…
Tuesday, 18 December 2012 15:47

How The Internet Changed Dating

A startup called FreedomPop recently launched a free 4G wireless service for email and basic web surfing, making 24/7 access to friends and loved ones easier than ever Just like Google has affected our relationships, the internet has greatly altered our love lives even more so. Let's look at how being connected influences modern dating, for better or for worse. 1. We're Meeting Partners OnlineThe service that connects us to people we know has also taken on the role of worldwide matchmaker. Today, one in five couples meet online. And, we're not just finding potential partners on the internet, we're talking to them virtually, dating them, falling in love, and even proposing online too. While online dating may not be any better than meeting someone at a bar, many people are still giving digital love a shot. A recent study by MBAPrograms.org found 49 million people search for love each month on eHarmony and Match.com alone. And those are just 2 of the estimated 1,500 online dating sites out there. 2. We Can Video ChatRemember when we used to spend hours on the phone? It's almost hard to believe that's how couples communicated before the web. Now, we can see…
Monday, 17 December 2012 17:20

Are you an emotional caretaker?

Are you who are overly empathetic, self-sacrificing, generous, perfectionistic, deferential, more willing to put other's needs before your own, and uncomfortable with conflict? Then you are more vulnerable to being emotional caretaker, according to Margalis Fjelstad's new book, Stop Caretaking The Borderline/Narcissist In Your Life: Let Go Of Their Life And get a Life of Your Own (Rowman & Littlefield, Feb 2013). "Yes" answers to these questions may indicate you're an emotional caretaker: Beliefs Do you have trouble knowing what your limits are?Do you trust someone else's view of reality better than you do your own?Do you hope that sacrificing yourself will make your partner want to fill your needs?Do you believe that your love can heal your partner?Do you see your job as fixing others and/or making them happy?Do you aspire to perfection you never can seem to reach?Is "selfish" the worst thing a person could can say about you?Do you believe in a lot of "should's" and "shouldn'ts" and other rules?Do you believe it's your obligation to continually "prove" that you love your partner?Do you believe in rigid roles for males and females? Read more: http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/2012/12/trapped-in-the-role-of-being-an-emotional-caretaker/
Thursday, 13 December 2012 15:57

What To Offer In Relatonship

A question from a Facebook friend on my timeline caught my attention the other day. I could not get it out of my head, so naturally I started to do what I always do to express myself; blog about it. You ever ask yourself "What do I bring to a relationship?" Which begs the bigger question: What the hell are you supposed to bring to a relationship? ~J.M I thought it was such a brilliant question because we hear all this talk about "it's all about what you have to bring to the table," or "what do you have to offer?" but no one talks about what that looks like. One reason is because everyone's needs and desires are different. Another reason is because most of us haven't quite figured out what we want; and if you had a mini panic attack just now after reading that, hakuna matata my dear, it's quite alright to not yet know. Some of us go through life with a blueprint that was created for us from conception and we stick to it, some of us glance at the blueprint every once in awhile and then proceed make other plans. Whatever the case may…
Wednesday, 12 December 2012 15:53

Love and the 'Professional' Woman

The subject of the dating lives of professional black women include some of the most interesting debates that we entertain in today's social circles. In my opinion, I believe we have made the issue a lot larger than what it truly is because of the many books, movies and workplace discussions that deal with the subject. The hurdles that professional black women face when tasked with qualifying the dating pool and, ultimately, keeping a man, are as follows: They let media influence them – The media has truly influenced the perspectives of many professional black women. When a message is conveyed over and over again, it often positions the recipients to begin embellishing the statements as truth. You hear messages regarding the issues professional black women face in dating via radio shows, blogs and magazines and this prompts the discussions between friends, co-workers and results in the perpetual mindsets that now exist. The reality is no matter if the statistics state that 42.7 percent of African-American women are unmarried, women have to realize that it only takes meeting one man to place them in the 57.3 percent category. However, if a negative mindset is embraced, then experiences usually follow. They…
Tuesday, 11 December 2012 16:01

Overcome Shyness When Dating

Do you consider yourself shy? Do you walk around and say to yourself "I wish I weren't shy so I could approach people." When I hear someone label themselves as "shy," I know they are limiting their opportunities to meet and connect with people every day. Being shy isn't a physical trait like having brown eyes ... you can eliminate it and overcome it. 1. Eliminate Shyness From Your Identity: If someone asks you if you're shy, what is your answer? Do you say "Yes, I am a shy person." When you say that, you are accepting that being shy is just part of who you are – that it's part of your identity. By you telling yourself (and others) that you are a shy person, you are negatively affecting your own mindset. It is very limiting. One of the first, and most important ways to overcome shyness is to be conscious about eliminating it as part of your identity. One way to get to that place if you are having trouble is to speak about yourself as if you've already overcome your shyness. The next time someone asks you if you're shy, you can say "I am no longer…
Monday, 10 December 2012 16:42

Surviving a long distance relationship

Surely long-distance relationships are extremely difficult. Here are ways you can survive your relationship better. Give more time to each other When you are into a long-distance relationship, it is important to devote more time with each other. Since you cannot meet every day, make sure that you at least talk to each other on the phone or chat on a regular basis. Be focussed The one thing that sets a normal relationship to that of a long-distance one is that you cannot meet every day. At times this becomes unnerving, but you need to understand that since you've chosen this relationship, you have to make it work out. Often couples tend to drift away because they cannot meet often. Make the commitment It's crucial to note that when you are into a long-distance relationship, you should ideally be committed. Commitment is what makes long-distance relationships work. The one important thing in your relationship apart from love understanding. If you understand each other well, there won't be any problems in your relationship. Try and meet as often as you can Meeting each other as often as possible is extremely important in a long-distance relationship. Whenever you get the time to…
Friday, 07 December 2012 16:10

Don't Change A Man

This article could have been titled "Three Thoughtful Reasons NOT To Change A Person," because it applies to everyone, man or woman. But since women are usually the ones trying to change men, it seemed more appropriate to address it to you girls. If there's one thing that all those years of married life have taught me, it's that attempting to change a man is an exercise in futility. But my reasons for not trying to change men have less to do with resigning myself to undesirable behaviour, than with mutual respect and consideration for a man's feelings. Here's why I think it's not fair to men that we keep trying to change them. 1. He's entitled to his opinions and free will I'm a big believer in a person's right to exercise his free will. As long as he blames no one but himself and is willing to accept the consequences of his actions, a man should have the right to make his own mistakes and learn from them. Respect his opinions and let him be. And the next time you try to make him change his ways, imagine how YOU would feel if the tables were turned. 2.…
Thursday, 06 December 2012 17:09

can you handle an open relationship?

I see many people in my private practice who do not want to end the relationships they are in, but they are interested in having other sexual or romantic partners. As polyamory and open relationships become more visible, more people are wondering, "Is there a way I can be honest with my partner about my desires? How can I even start this conversation? What will help us to be successful if we try this?" Here are some tips from my years of working with couples as they explore whether an open relationship is right for them. This article will focus on getting clarity for yourself before you even approach your partner. 1. First, do not start an affair. I cannot stress this enough. It is true for many people that the first time they begin to consider open relationships are when they have met an appealing new potential partner. While a new person may allow you to realize that you can love more than one person at a time, if you are seriously considering an open relationship with your current partner, the first requirement will be to treat them with respect and the relationship with integrity. Open relationships are not…
Wednesday, 05 December 2012 16:53

Why You're Still Single

If you're currently single, feel like it may be a chronic condition, and your mantra is starting to look like "I'm-never-going-to-meet-anyone-anytime-ever," you'll want to visit this list of Dating with Dignity's "real" reasons you may still be single. 1. You're still reeling from a traumatic break up and can't let it go. Yes, he might have been one of your great loves and a (hopefully) wonderful part of your life. But the truth is, sister, from me to you, he's also no longer a part of your life. Letting go hurts, but remaining stuck on him and your relationship will leave you right there: stuck. In order to be truly happy, begin to consider what it would like if you were to truly move on with your life. What would you be doing in your free time? Would you be Facebook stalking his friends? Would you be driving by his house or stopping by your old haunts to see if he's there? Or would you be getting more involved in a hobby or a new project at work? Whatever you do, it's critical that you get into the ACTION of moving on; just "thinking about it" or waiting for it…
Tuesday, 04 December 2012 15:32

Is Married Life The Easy Life?

People often dream of the wonderful life they'll have once they're married. Unfortunately, many of these dreams are short-lived. The reality of married life — that it requires extraordinary effort -– usually "hits home" within 24 hours after the wedding! And then you start wondering: What did I get into? When I decided to get married, I knew there were many things about married life I didn't yet understand. I was blessed to have a teacher who gave me some good advice. I remember my first "prep course" like it was yesterday. He told me, "David, just remember, marriage is for pleasure." I took his words to heart and to paper. Then I asked him for additional advice. He responded, "You don't understand the first thing I told you." I looked down at my notes and read back his words: "Marriage is for pleasure." I thought I understood the meaning of these four simple words. I wanted to get married because of the "good life" I associated with this commitment. It was then that my teacher taught me a lesson that created a paradigm shift within my understanding of relationships. He said, "David, when I said, 'marriage is for pleasure,'…
Monday, 03 December 2012 17:27

Apologize To Make It Right

As human beings, we are all prone to mistakes, as a matter of fact; it is synonymous to making mistakes. But as human beings, we are also given a choice to redeem ourselves from the mistakes we did through apologizing. For some, it is an arduous task, because their pride gets in the way. But if you want to make things right again and want to know how to say sorry with all sincerity, then here are some tips for you: * Know what you are apologizing for. Did you say something hurtful? Did you break a promise? You can't apologize sincerely if you don't know what you are apologizing about. Have an awareness of how you hurt the offended person, so that you will know exactly how to make it up to them. * Take full responsibility. When apologizing, don't make excuses or blame other people. Keep in mind that an apology with an excuse is not as apology. Other people or unavoidable circumstances may have contributed to the situation, but you cannot apologize for them. You can only say you're sorry for yourself. So stop blaming other people. * Find the right timing for apologizing. Some people say…
Friday, 30 November 2012 16:10

Letting Go Of The Past

Often times when a relationship ends there are things left unsaid and questions left unanswered. Through the use of this technique you can resolve these issues and allow yourself to move on and let go of the past. This technique can also be used with those that are now deceased. Sit yourself in a quiet space where you will not be disturbed. Ideally have an empty chair or seat opposite you. Close your eyes for a moment, and take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to relax and let go. When you open your eyes imagine that you can see the person with whom things are left unsaid sitting opposite you. All you need to do is to pretend they are there, so if you think you are having problems visualising just pretend. Say to the person whatever is on your mind, whatever you want to release. If there is a situation that you want to resolve, for example the break down of a relationship then talk about that. When you have finished you may want a response from them. If so then go and sit in the other chair and pretend you are them answering back. Keep your…
Wednesday, 28 November 2012 15:59

The Pre-Cheating Converstaion

The most freakish part about being in a new relationship is that moment when you realize that the initial happy go lucky phase is over and real effort is needed, emotional effort that is. You realize this one day as you sit in silence with your premature ejaculator imagination thinking about all the potential scenarios of infidelity while he's with the boys basking in tube sock testosterone womanless freedom secretly missing your behind periodically wondering the same thing....Could she? Nah... Even the most secure couples have had their minds sway and play tricks, we're served platters of betrayal galore on a daily basis (Thank you talk shows!). As you stand in the line at the grocery store the newsstand is flooded with headlines of infidelity, weight loss victories and what ifs. Somehow there is this great need in our society for perfection and the idea is that if you are not striving hard enough you'll become a headline yourself. He amazes me with his undying curiosity into my psyche. The recent Battle of The Sexes show topic, "Is Monogamy A Myth?" rattled a few cages. It made us come together to discuss a topic that can be painful, curious, tense…